After a long hiatus, I’m finally back blogging. There were so many reasons why I didn’t blog for the past three to four months but I guess the main reason is I was afraid. Afraid to get in touch with my feelings. I was too scared to touch on those things that I kept them all inside and pursued different things instead of writing about it. Guess now that I’m here, it means I am now ready to face all those ghosts inside me.
And yes, I missed writing.
By the way, I’m planning on buying a Moleskine notebook since everyday original quotes keep popping in my mind. I want to record them some of them, and maybe Tweet and blog about others but most probably I’ll be keeping some private.
Yesterday while we were standing in line at a restaurant which serves roasted chickens and ribs, my sister and I were talking about how those chickens were feeling since they’re being roasted. She said maybe it felt like hell for those chickens. Then I said,
“What if there’s no hell?”
“Then that would be good, only heaven exists.”
Then I replied
“If there’s no hell then there’s no heaven as well.”
“That can’t be, heaven exists.”
And her amazing reply was
“If hell does not exist, and heaven exists then the world we live in now can be defined as hell.”
Well, that’s a rough translation of our conversation but the point is, I had no answer to her last argument since it made me think it through.
I know the idea that “the world we live in now is hell” has been around for quite some time now but I haven’t really read articles about it.
I’m amazed at how positive some people are that “heaven” exists.
Ice cream! LOL. That was the first thing that came to mind when I read the topic. Although I just had a Tiramisu Affogato (is this the correct spelling?) earlier and a chocolate chip with extra oreo Blizzard yesterday, I still want to eat ice cream!
I’m a sucker for sweets and I can’t refuse deserts. Whenever I eat out, may it be just me or with my friends or family I really have that urge to eat desert even though I’m full. It’s my addiction. Some people smoke after eating, some drink tea but for me, desert is the way to go.
I’m so addicted to sweets that I’ve already accepted that I’ll be diagnosed with diabetes when I get old. :p
Speaking of deserts, yesterday I read an article (in Yahoo.com) that talks about how to avoid having deserts. In the article, the author said that whenever you eat at a specific restaurant you should get your desert at another restaurant. Why? Because he/she said that study shows that walking after eating a full course meal lessens the urge to eat sweets/chocolates.
Well, I’ve been putting this theory to test twice since yesterday and it seems that it does not apply to me since I had a Blizzard (12oz!) last night and I had a Tiramisu Affogato earlier tonight even after walking around the mall ( I even stayed at a bookstore for about 30mins!). It’s been just two days so I guess it’s effect will come after a few more tries so I’ll just keep following that advice. Haha!
By the way, this is kinda off topic but I just set a new goal for myself. Starting today, I promise myself that every pay day, I’m going to buy a new book. This gives me 15 days to finish reading books which I hope I can do. 2 new books a month ain’t bad for someone like me who’s working 24/7. I just hope I can keep it up.
For the first book of my project, I bought Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.
Woah, this is just my 6th post for the project? Guess I missed a lot eh? But I’ve been blogging on side so I think it should count as part of the project. ^^
Well, moving on to the topic, I think there are many things that keep me up at night. I’m a deep thinker and my mind works its wonders around the time before I sleep. When everything is dark and quiet and all I can hear is the sound of the rotating blades of my electric fan. During these moments, I think about a lot of things and I’ll elaborate on some.
One. My dreams.
Although I have many dreams in life, there is always that “top 1” or “number 1” in everyone’s list. For me, that would be to become a world renowned multilingual landscape photographer. Maybe some of you might think it’s a bit ambitious but I don’t care. Just like my favorite author (Paolo Coelho) said “Your dreams are your own”, so I can dream dreams this big. This dream keeps me up at night since sometimes I think if I would ever reach such achievement. I’ve started slowly in my attempt at reaching this goal by studying Korean as a third language. I’ve also been practicing shooting landscapes ever since I got my camera almost 3 years ago. It’s been a slow start so sometimes I think about quitting this personal quest. The good thing is, whenever I think about quitting, the words from (again) my favorite author comes to mind and inspires me to work harder in achieving this so called “personal legend”.
I guess everyone of us, at some point in our lives was kept awake by the love. May it be the idea of love, or the idea of falling in love, or something that’s bothering you regarding a love one or a significant other. This keeps me up almost every night. After my mind goes tired of dreaming of wandering and traveling the whole world as a multilingual landscape photographer, my brain goes to overdrive thinking about love. This coming April, I’ll be single for almost a year now. My last relationship didn’t last long because of my own personal reasons (or selfishness?). But now, I always end up thinking about love every night. Positive and negative thoughts come and go and it always affects how much sleep I get. I’m not saying I hate it when love keeps me up at night, I just find it interesting the my mind never gets tired of thinking about it every single time.
A wise person once said, “Do something that you love and you will never work a single minute in your life” or something like that. I think about work too, before I go to sleep. Not because there’s so much stress going on in my everyday workplace but because I’m thinking if this is the right path/career for me. During the first part of my training, I thought I’d like the job. I was even excited to start of going on client calls. But as of now, I’m quite wondering if I really like this. Enthusiasm is fading slowly and that’s a bad sign. I either need to find inspiration to continue this path or I’ll have to quit it and find something I’d love to do. Or I maybe wrong too. Maybe it’s just the idea that I’m earning less than the average among my friends and that my salary can’t support the lifestyle I’ve always dreamed about. Whichever the reason is, may it be the interest in the job or the salary, I’ll need to find a solution, fast.
Those are the top three things that keep me up at night. Although there are more like, basketball, biking, SNSD, Sex, tattoos and other stuff, I prefer to elaborate only on this three for now.
So there’s my list, how about you share what keeps you at night?
It’s kinda rare that I double post about the same topic and this is one of those rare occasions.
Today, I some kinda had my worst day in my corporate life. I really hate myself for what happened today and promised that I’ll be better. It’ll be hard but I need to move on and continue and learn from this mistake.
But this post isn’t about me anymore. I just learned that there was a massive 6.3 magnitude earthquake in New Zealand. Because of this, I realized that there are way more people having the worst day of their lives. If my day turned out unpleasant because of something I did at work, theirs was waaaaay worst than mine since what they lost are lives of relatives and friends. Their properties, houses and livelihoods were greatly affected. I guess my problem at work was just a fraction of what other people are experiencing right now.
My prayers go to those affected by the earthquake. I can’t really help them from where I am and in my current state right now but since the Universe works in mysterious ways, my thoughts unite with all the people in the world who think kindly of these affected people. We all hope and wish for your safety and the quick recovery of those affected, may it be financially, emotionally or psychologically.
I’m writing to vent out my feelings and to somehow release my stress.
Today, I made a mistake in front of a client.
I know it’s normal to make mistakes but the one thing that bothers me the most is that even though I practice with all those commands during my free time, I still made a mistake, a freakin dumb mistake. Who the hell would interchange the “Enter” button with the “Tab” button. My mind told me to press “Tab” but my fingers tapped “Enter”.
What a fool. And to add to that, I even let the contact person correct my mistake for me.
What a shameless fool. I felt like the whole data center is eating me alive back there.
Of all the million times I’ve been practicing different commands over and over again, the one time I’d make a stupid mistake was during a client call.
What the fuck.
I really hate myself for this stupid mistake.
I hate myself today.
But just like before, like what I always do, I’ll try to move on from this and learn every single thing I could.
I don’t really understand why these things happen but one thing’s for sure, they happen for a reason. Good thing the contact person was not someone who would fuss over such mistake.
Guess it’s really different out there, in the industry.
The principle of failure is almost the same as college and studying, but the consequences are really really different.
Funny thing happened earlier.
Since last January, I was assigned to a project at work. Being assigned here, I was asked to report to the place where our project was implemented, thus I didn’t report at our main office. I go to this place via jeepney straight from our house and I go home the same way.
This afternoon, I had nothing else to do so I decided to leave earlier than usual. So I went out, rode a jeepney and paid the fare. A couple of minutes passed and I received a text message from our department secretary that my boss was coming to the area. I immediately went down the jeepney, wasting my fare, and called her. I told her that I was already on my way home and asked her what time my boss left the office. She told me that he just left and that it’s okay for me to just go home.
So as I was walking back to where jeepneys passed by, I thought about the precious money (8 pesos) I paid for my jeepney ride earlier which was wasted because I went down without reaching my destination. I was so pissed at the thought that I wasted money and that I would need to pay again. As this was running through my head, I noticed a crumpled violet paper on the road ahead of me. And when I was close, I realized it was a 100 peso bill! I immediately picked it up and pocketed it.
After this incident, a lot of things ran through my head. I don’t know if this was coincidence, or luck or good karma. I really don’t know what to call it. Maybe if you’re a Catholic or Christian you’d say that this was my reward since I unconsciously gave the jeepney driver free 8 pesos or something along that line of thought. I really don’t know. People may interpret this event in a million different ways.
All I know is, I was happy since I got money. Who wouldn’t right? Hahaha!
Intriguing topic. I find things like these very interesting because I think there are a lot of things around us which we do but never really believe in.
And if you need an example I’ll give you a perfect one.
It’s interesting that after a Sunday (I’m a Catholic by the way) I’ll find this topic lurking on The Daily Post website. Usually whenever I go to church on Sundays, I use that time to think and reflect. I reflect about things regarding religion itself and not about my sins or anything like that. During those times, I used to think that religion is just something that people made up. No offense to those who really worship and go to church but I for one is a pessimist. Many people say that when they were at their lowest in life, they found refuge in religion or religion made them happy or they found the true meaning of happiness in religion. But my question is, if that is really the case, then why don’t all people who are part of a religious sect or organization experience that kind of trance or happiness?
Relating this to the topic above, I guess I’ll have to say that religion is something that I’ll never believe until I’ve experienced it. I know there is something written in the Bible along the lines that “blessed are those who believe even they have not yet seen..” or something like that but I think I as a person really can’t force myself to believe or have faith in something that I’ve never experienced yet.
Well that’s just me. How about you? Care to share your opinions on this? Just hit the comments if you do have some thoughts.
I really have a lot of things to say but as I’ve said in my previous post, I’m having problems organizing my thoughts nowadays. Sad.
Please don’t misunderstand me as an atheist or agnostic or whatever. Also please don’t misunderstand me as trying to woo people out of believing in their own religions. I have high respect for every religion on Earth. So high that I even want to study every single one of them. Take note that studying is different from being a part of any of it.
I missed posting for my post a week project for 2 consecutive weeks. The reason is, I’ve been having problems organizing my thoughts and add to that the overtime I did for work during my so called “blog days”.
Anyway I’ll try to work harder in organizing this scattered ideas all over my head because believe me, there are a lot of things I want to blog or write about. So many things were bothering me for the past 2 weeks and I just can’t write them all at once.
Maybe I’ll start by catching up for my missed post a week project. Hopefully by then, I have the necessary inspiration and enthusiasm needed to be able not to hit that delete and back and “x” button on top of my browser.